Let’s talk
about sex

Sex is one of the most personal acts we can do to connect with one another, but it’s also one of the things that can make us feel the most vulnerable. Fear of rejection in exposing what you want and need from an intimate partner can cause all sorts of issues in the bedroom.

Shame is a problem for women and people with vaginas because a large part of our desire and sexuality begins in the mind. Feeling self-conscious about body shape, your vagina, any smell or how you might taste stops you from focussing on feeling pleasure and being completely in the moment without distraction. Which is what you need to become mentally and physically aroused³⁹.

Put yourself first

Arousal is particularly helpful in the sense that it provides your vagina with lubrication, and that in turn, makes sex a much more sensitive, pleasurable act⁴⁰. If you’re feeling stressed or ashamed, you’re more likely to experience vaginal dryness, resulting in pain and discomfort during sex⁴¹. There are also times in life where hormones can make it more difficult to produce lubrication – after childbirth⁴² and around menopause⁴³ are times when it is useful to add lubricant as a way of avoiding any sort of discomfort or pain.

Let’s talk about
vaginal dryness

Pelvic floor exercises are always a good idea to help keep the muscular vaginal walls toned and flexible⁴⁴. They are also useful in encouraging more moisture to be produced⁴⁵. Always use pH-neutral lubrication if you’re experiencing discomfort with dryness. A moist vagina means more pleasure, either masturbating alone or exploring with your partner.

Many medications and hormones can cause vaginal dryness. Taking chemotherapy, the birth control pill or masculinising hormone therapy can sometimes create problematic dryness⁴⁶ and even vaginal atrophy (where the walls of the vaginal tract become thin and can tear)⁴⁷. Vaginal atrophy is often associated with recurrent urinary tract infections at the time of menopause.

If there’s one thing to bear in mind, it’s that you need to start putting yourself first when it comes to sexual pleasure. The goal isn’t necessarily to reach orgasm – it’s all about the journey, not the destination. The right mindset is a path to greater confidence and discovery, which is good for you, reinforcing your sexual appetite, arousal and pleasure. A virtuous circle of fulfilment. See your body as an uncomplicated gateway to this playful experience and don’t let your head lead the way. You deserve to enjoy yourself without any sense of shame at all. Put yourself first and the rest will follow.

Ref:

https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/mind-body-sex-connection-intimacy#your-mind
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326504#causes
https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/vaginal-dryness.aspx#:~:text=Psychological%20and%20emotional%20factors%20like,so%20she%20will%20have%20dryness.%E2%80%9D
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/vagina-changes-after-childbirth/#:~:text=It's%20normal%20for%20the%20vagina,dryness%20can%20be%20more%20marked
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaginal-dryness/
https://www.healthline.com/health/fitness-exercise/pelvic-floor-exercises#gender-specifics
https://www.everydayhealth.com/menopause/kegels-for-menopause-benefits/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaginal-dryness/
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/vaginal-atrophy/symptoms-causes/syc-20352288

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